Over the past few months I’ve been dealing with some increasingly annoying physical symptoms.  What started as a minor annoyance in October had escalated to a full blown health crisis as of late December.

A very wise and trusted colleague once pointed out that it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to help yourself in the way that you help others.  And I totally agreed.  That’s why many coaches get coached, psychologists sometimes undergo therapy, and even doctors will often get second opinions when they themselves fall ill.

Today, however, while I was meditating during my morning Reiki/Remembrance routine, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I cannot keep postponing this.

I cannot focus on everything else and expect that to be totally OK.

I have to help myself the way I would help someone else.

I’ve been experiencing physical struggles and I now see they are directly related to my prolonged resistance to putting myself out there.  It’s been quite some time since creative clarity dawned on me, yet I’ve been hesitant to dive into clearly offering what it is that is really my calling.

I have to listen to my heart.  I have to follow my inner guidance.  I want to.  Even though fear swells within when my mind starts listing off the what ifs!

What if no one takes you seriously? (Or they think you’re crazy?)

What if you don’t know what to call it, this thing you do?

What if no one responds?

What if this still isn’t IT – the physical walkabout world manifestation of your truest work, your purpose, your highest calling?

But then I think about how I felt the day I hung up the phone with Alexia and how my entire being – body, mind, soul, spirit – was alive with light and energy like nothing I’d ever experienced before.  It was as though my entire reason for existing was active during that session.

I finally realize that I’m going through exactly what many of my own clients and friends and family members have gone through or are going through.

Truth wants to be known.

My being wants to evolve into its very best self, utilizing all of its incredible gifts, talents, skills, experiences, and knowledge to help others in the most profound way possible.

Setting this aside, putting it off, postponing it until another day, a different time, regardless of the reasons for doing so…

It’s making me sick.  Literally.

So far all of the medical exams and tests come back the same way: nothing is significantly medically wrong.  (Thankfully!)

Yet still, certain symptoms persist.  And my Reiki Master Teacher and I can both tell that my second and third chakras are involved.  And when I was doing some reading about ovaries and their link to creativity and a woman’s life purpose – it was like a gong ringing and a bright light turning on simultaneously.

“Our ovarian wisdom represents our deepest creativity, that which waits to be born from within us, that which can be born only through us, our unique creative potential–especially as it relates to what we create in the world outside of ourselves.”

– Christiane Northrup, M.D. in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom

So today’s the day I say OK.

Yesterday I joined a gym with my husband.  A place I can go to walk and walk and walk to my heart’s content, no matter what the weather.

I’m listening to the symptoms, the signals really, on a physical level.

Today is the day I say OK.

I’m ready.

I don’t have the perfect words or title.

I don’t know exactly how to describe my ideal client.

I don’t know if anyone will even respond.

I don’t even have clear expectations of how this will turn out.

But I am aware of how much good I do.

I’ve seen how much I’ve been able to help others… clients of my bookkeeping business when a need for guidance and intuitive insight arose… a hospice patient who’s standing at the threshold and needs a little help from an intermediary that’s able to understand what she’s seeing and feeling… a friend who has been dealt a life deck of cards with more than the usual share of Jokers within…

I now see not only the good I can do… but also the blend.

It’s the blend.

The heart and the money.

My life experiences.

My talents and gifts :: Reiki Channel, Intuition, Guidance, Connecting to People

and

My skills, training, and knowledge :: Bookkeeping, Accounting, Business Management

My abilities and my clients’ single most and biggest problem – money stuck.

It’s time to show up, fully, and make as clear an offer as possible, and leave the rest to God.

I’m not like any other bookkeeper I’ve ever known.  Heck, I’m not like any other person I’ve known (and I’m betting your not either.  We’re all unique.)  I’m this wild blend of analytical, knowledgeable, accounting savvy specialist and a Reiki healer, intuitive guide, and helper all in one.

So it’s time to let that blend inform my work in the world, within my business, instead of alongside it.

(It may seem to you guys like this isn’t anything new, like this is yesterday’s news, but for the logical/analytical part of my brain and the rational part of my mind that keeps my survival and financial needs at the forefront, posting about my intuitive skills and how I believe my Reiki work and guided sessions can help clients of my bookkeeping practice feels extremely out there!)

I don’t know what to call it… but the people who I can help in this way are most certainly out there, seeking what it is I have to offer.

And I need to share this service offering with people who find me through Heart Based Bookkeeping!

So whatever I can do, now, to make myself more visible, more accessible, and clearly available to them…

Today is the day.

One more step on the journey… one I’ve resisted for far too long out of my own (understandable) fears.

No more pondering.

No more noodling.

No more contemplating.

No more considering.

No more delaying.

It’s time for action and a big step forward.  Today is the day.

No more keeping this inside, stuffing it away, waiting for the right time to arrive.  The time is now.

A writer and bookkeeper is something I am.  Something I’ve always been and will continue to be.

But the light inside me, the part of me that’s longing to shine brightest, it’s the part that can’t shine alone.

In order to step into service and help others in this way, I have to let my fears go.  I have to stop thinking about the perfect next step, and I need to invite in the messiness of just moving forward, today, from right here where I am, in this moment.

I doubt I’ll ever be ready, so I might as well start anyway.

I dream of the day when my business helps not only those small business owners who love what they do but can’t keep up with managing the numbers side of their business, but also those small business owners who just need to talk their money stuff out with someone they trust who can help them overcome and learn from the money stuck.

My soul is longing for more of those magic moments with my clients when a deeper recognition unfolds, a space opens up, and the love rushes in.

If my soul is to be fulfilled, I must do the work to create the space where magical moments like those are commonplace and my heart sings with the joy of helping others not only in the way that I’m most able to help, but also in the way that I’m most needing to help myself.

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If my work, as described above, sounds like something that might be helpful to you, be sure to check out my Intuitive Money Sessions page on Heart Based Bookkeeping.